We’re officially two-thirds of the way into the month! It’s flown by, though. The prompt for today is explaining first world problems to aliens, a different kind of prompt given by Tim, and it’s a good thing I’ve got experience in research papers because this is very strange for a short story, and I couldn’t hit the 1,000 word minimum but this was so hard to write.
The study within this paper will show the different behaviours of the species called ‘Human’. Its aim is to inform and seek out what influences their behaviours. We followed a specimen labelled as Test Subject 1, but they always answered to the name ‘Mark’.
It has been noted that Mark will open their eyes from what they call ‘sleep’ at a time when the Earth orbits the sun at a point where it will rise. It appears that Humans require a certain amount of impetus to start their daily routine, usually making an exclamation that they are late. Their portable communications device is usually to blame, having not alarmed them in order to awaken them from their ‘sleep’. They often wash, either by sitting in a bath filled with perfumed water or by having water fall on them. The latter turned to be strange, considered that they do not like having water poured on them outside while they have their clothes on. Our specimen Mark opted for the waterfall method and was timed at an estimate of ten minutes before leaving the device that was called a ‘shower’.
Humans tended to clothe themselves for the day – perhaps they live in terror of being caught naked? In his studies of Human clothing, Afrax revealed that Humans enforced a law unto themselves stating that nobody must be naked in public, and therefore must be clothed.
After clothing, Humans often engage in a break in their fasting period, where they will ingest a variety of different foods. Sometimes they are joined by a partner and their younger versions of themselves, known as Children. They do not appear to be a hive mind, instead acting of their own free will. The male versions of Humans are identified by a generally larger figure and a special instrument that can only be seen when naked. The female versions of Humans can be identified by the large teats on their chests, oftentimes used to feed their Children, as well as their obsession with porcelain products. The Children, especially at a young age, tend to waddle and fall, not having the capacity to develop as efficiently as our species.
The Humans’ main complaint in their life is about their work – Earth is known as the only planet in the Solar System that requires a monetary payment in order to survive. The Humans had not considered their higher positions of power compared to their other non-Human counterparts. They get into their ships known as ‘cars’ and pilot them to work
Problems that the Humans face on a working day include:
- A broken computer – usually resulting in a call to the Information Technology department, which asks if the Human ‘turned it off and on again’.
- A phenomenon known as ‘gossiping’, where Humans talk about each other to other Humans, usually in a degrading manner.
- Taking part in the act of ‘sleeping’ at their work station.
- When working with other Humans in a ‘customer service’ environment, a total disregard and/or mockery of the Human ‘customers’.
- Any attempts to engage the working space as a serene environment do not succeed – in fact, the attempts serve to make the environment much more hostile.
- Oftentimes in working places, some male Humans will attempt to ‘harass’ the female Humans, and sometimes vice versa.
Our Human subject, Mark, does his work at a factory where a vegetable called beetroot is made. Humans have to be meticulously clean in order to partake in the work, wearing protective equipment. He stands for eight hours within the day, putting the beetroot in packages. After the work, he heads to his ‘home’ for the night.
It is common practice for a Human to discuss or complain about their working day to any person that would listen. Sometimes they will venture to a ‘pub’ or a ‘bar’ to have alcoholic beverages in order to feel intoxicated. They will then return to their homes, where they will argue with their partners about the mundane work life, but they will be eager to repeat.